


Hold On To Your Heart

by Tollero



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: AU - Papyrus Does His Best, BIG OLE SPOILERS FOR THE NO MERCY RUN, i just realized it wouldnt be frisk hahaahhaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:47:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4855292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tollero/pseuds/Tollero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Never let nobody drag it under.</p><p>--</p><p>You do everything in a perfect order. You and everyone you know are cogs in a perfectly oiled death machine. Actors in a play that gets performed every day, maybe only hours apart.</p><p>Maybe this time the show could use some improv.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hold It High

**Author's Note:**

> based off an au my sister and i have been thinking about, where things go A Little Differently in RPG/Genocide/No Mercy runs
> 
> spoilers ahead! pretend you get an actual fight with papyrus in those kinda runs ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is from sans' pov ofc. the rest of this wont be like that,

You've seen this too many times to count. You're not even sure you would want to count- how could someone play out the same scenes over and over again, like a perfectly rehearsed play, each time easier to do and faster to complete than the last. Of course, you always give them trouble. It takes tens, maybe hundreds of tries before you crumble. You're proud. You stalled them. So did everyone else, but a guy can have some credit.

But pride means nothing here. Pride lasts a second before the gut-clenching reminder hits: you'll have to do this again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again until a week passes and they grow bored and there is no child or what was once a child. Now they deserve the same title as you. _Monster._

Every time after the last, everything seems easier to them. Their soul gets that much harder to break when you're following something like a schedule. You go here, you wait until then, you die now. You do everything in a perfect order. You and everyone you know are cogs in a perfectly oiled death machine. Actors in a play that gets performed every day, maybe only hours apart.

Maybe this time the show could use some improv.

You see the signs, as you always do. Monsters flee into their homes. They speak only in hushed whispers of the human, the one who tiptoed out of the ruins covered in white dust with something plastic at their side. You greet them as you always do. You will your hand not to crush their tinier one as you shake it, giving your best grin as the whoopee cushion sounds. There is no laughter. Papyrus comes and he plays his part even if he doesn't know it. He always does. He's the most loyal guy you know, that you'll ever know at this rate. You don't tell him your plan. What would he do? He doesn't know what happens here, how _determined_ that child is to coat their glove-covered knuckles in the white powder that used to be a bright-eyed skeleton that only wanted to help. You know. Flowey knows. Did the woman behind the door know? Does the king know? You can never bring yourself to ask.

You wait until the very last moment. You don't watch them ransack your town- your home. Not this time, anyway; you have before and it only made you more _determined_. That didn't help out in the long run. You almost got reckless at the end, but you stuck true and you've ended up here again.

You've only seen this fight once before. Papyrus, even with how he is, is a very capable of fighter. He usually is, anyway. The one time you stuck around and peered through the thinning fog, you saw the exasperation on his face as they pummeled him mercilessly. Blue didn't mean anything. They already knew everything he would throw at them. Before his soul gave out you swore he saw you, staying far behind, knowing what would happening if you dared approach. Empty sockets stared in shock as you stood stock-still, hands in pockets, not moving a muscle in case they would notice. He didn't, still doesn't know of what you were, are capable of but still his eyes asked _why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?_ Until he was nothing but sand on snow. They didn't even wipe off their shoe as they passed over him. You've never watched again.

Until now. The very last moment. Again, you're waiting behind that thing, hidden in the fog. Papyrus seems so tired. No matter what he does, no matter how hard he tries to dodge, his soul can't take much more of it. Some part of you regrets letting this go on so long, but if you'd come in in the beginning, who knows what would have happened. They reel their fist back as Papyrus collects his thoughts and his breath. He doesn't see. You do.

Who knew a solid hit to the rib cage could rattle a guy so badly?

You're on your knees before you know it, the kid steps back and pauses. It's the first real surprise since their first run down this timeline. You haven't seen shock like that in who knows how long. You turn your head toward Papyrus and see a similar expression on his face, eyes comically wide and mouth agape, and all you can do is flash him your usual smug grin without any hint of the smug part. As good as you usually are at keeping yourself together, you can feel your bones and your very soul begin to shiver and crack. There's no point in standing anymore and it only wastes energy. You sit, instead, on cold snow.

Papyrus reacts before the kid and he goes up to you, face unchanging as his hands go to your shoulders before one moves to where the hit landed, where a crack widens. You think he's asking you why you did that but it's not like you can hear anymore. This is how it goes. Your hand pats his slowly and you're sure you whisper something cool and throwback-y like _be good._

Papyrus is the most loyal guy you know. Maybe he'll do better.

Turning to powder doesn't come all at once, but it does start at the head.


	2. Above Flood Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The air seemed particularly cold as Papyrus left the house that time. Maybe for the last time? He didn't want to consider what that could mean. Either he would never return and live a happy life as captain of the Royal Guard in the capitol, or... Something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rest of this should be from papyrus' pov? i'll see where this goes. im bad at planning  
> im glad people liked the first chapter a bunch, too! ty ty

Papyrus remained there for a long, long time; on his knees, staring dumbfounded into a pile of pure white powder that was his brother only a few minutes ago, not even moving as the child he'd been battling simply walked around him. He couldn't tell if his head was blank or so full of thoughts that it was all just an indecipherable buzz. Soon enough, one emerged above the rest: _why did Sans do that_. Why had he sacrificed himself? What brings someone to _do_ that? Papyrus had been close to winning, he was sure!

Even as the ache in his bones and his very soul told him otherwise. Even with how tired he was from throwing attack after attack and not landing a single hit on their unscathed soul. Even with the shake that wouldn't leave him as he cupped his hands and oh-so-delicately lifted Sans' remains, along with a little snow. He would want it that way. Sans always did like the snow- Papyrus thought so, anyway. So many things about his brother were still a mystery and now they'd always be, including this. He inhaled, quick.

Monster funerals were uncommon. Many monsters lived for very long times, and there was little fighting between any of them to cause any untimely deaths. Little was known about proper funerals, even; all anyone knew to do was to sprinkle that monster's dust on their favorite objects. Looking around his, their house, his mind blanked on what Sans' favorite thing was. Something in his room? But there was so little in his room. Papyrus did the only thing he considered right: he very carefully sprinkled small amounts of... Sans, on every object in their shared house. The oven, his pet rock, his joke book, each of Papyrus' figures, that trashnado in his room...

Finally, Papyrus took the last pinchful of powder and brought his hand above himself.

He was Sans' favorite, too.

Now, once again standing in the doorway of their home, he could feel the pit in his stomach grow as what had happened sunk in, albeit slowly. He would never see his brother again. There was a human on the loose, on a rampage- was that why everyone had hidden? It was Sans' idea to tell them to stay in their homes, and Papyrus had suggested they call in the Royal Guard. That's why they exist, to protect people! Sans had simply shook his head. Maybe they were in hiding, too. Maybe Papyrus was the only one brave enough to try to stand up to them and speak, and even fight. Him and...

He inhaled slowly, feeling the air leave his ribcage from under his armor. He couldn't let this go on, and he felt like if he stayed here, he'd get too caught up in his own thoughts. No, he had to go. Did Undyne know? If she didn't, he was going to be the first one to tell her. Even if he hadn't been able to hit them this time, with some hard work and more personal training, he was sure he could do it! All the while, they could travel and keep an eye on the human- going ahead of them and making sure to warn anyone. They could work together when it finally came time to end this.

The air seemed particularly cold as Papyrus left the house that time. Maybe for the last time? He didn't want to consider what that could mean. Either he would never return and live a happy life as captain of the Royal Guard in the capitol, or... Something else. As he stepped away from the door, he turned and gave the building one last look over. They hadn't lived in Snowdin particularly long, but it already felt like home. He and Sans had a lot of good memories of the place, even with most of his own consisted of him yelling at Sans. With a final glance back at the town, with its inhabitants finally feeling safe enough to open their doors, he turned back toward where he had fought the human. Toward Waterfall.

Hopefully, he would get there before the human did.


	3. Even When Your Body's Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All he knew was that echo flowers were more abundant than he remembered, that if he turned around, he could no longer see snow, and he hadn't seen any signs of the human since Snowdin. Unless a bizarre lack of fellow monsters was a sign, then they had obviously come through. But Papyrus couldn't have been more than an hour behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're gettin there! i dunno what there is but there's sad stuff, probably
> 
> also here's a shoutout to everyone who messaged me on tumblr concerning this fic!! i was so glad to hear that people liked it as much as they do and that one person who had a dream about it, holy fuck. thank you all so, so much. i was almost brought to tears from it all lmao

Had Snowdin and Waterfall always been so far apart? Papyrus made the trip between the two often, but usually the river-person was around to cut it down by... Hours? He wasn't even sure how long he'd been walking, at this point. All he knew was that echo flowers were more abundant than he remembered, that if he turned around, he could no longer see snow, and he hadn't seen any signs of the human since Snowdin. Unless a bizarre lack of fellow monsters was a sign, then they had obviously come through. But Papyrus couldn't have been more than an hour behind them.

As much as he was growing used to the emptiness- it had first hit his town, of course- there was still something unsettling about it. He couldn't claim to know the way to Waterfall well, but surely there were usually monsters up and about. Some siblings making wishes. An elderly couple gazing into the seemingly endless water surrounding some parts of the path. Children wading through until they were almost neck-deep, just to get water sausages and hit each other with them.

Nothing.

No noise, as well, besides the sounds of rushing water or random drips where the top part of the underground was leaking. There were probably _some_ little communities interspersed between the towns, even with how small his destination was. Every makeshift burrow or house embedded in the rock was silent. Every side street was empty. The only thing accompanying him was an eerie stillness and a chill that never seemed to totally leave, causing his bones to shake whenever he noticed something else out of place. The cold water wasn't helping, either.

After too much walking, Papyrus came to an area he recognized as a place near Undyne's house. Finally, he would have some company. He all but sprinted to her house, nearly tumbling into the lake a short ways outside of it, and he couldn't help the grin on his face. Even with everything that had happened, he was always glad to see Undyne.

Except Undyne wasn't home. He knocked on her door, he tried asking her haunted dummy, he even may have broken through the window. All he found was darkness and the remnants of their last training session. Papyrus' heart seemed to sink as he left her house and, instead, tried to speak with her neighbor; the nice ghost guy, Nast... Blook... Something. They were pretty shy, and he'd never even bothered to ask for their name! He could make up for it now.

Nothing.

A locked house, and when he'd climbed up the side of it and peeked in through the small window, all he could see was the glow of a computer screen. No one in front of it or anything. Disheartened for a moment, he descended the building, before a thought ran through his head. Undyne probably already heard about the human! Maybe S- the other guards called her, before they hid too. It would only make sense. She was the second strongest person in the underground, besides the King. There was no way a human could make it past her.

But now, what could Papyrus do? His only goal at this point was to find Undyne, and he. He didn't even do that. There were limited royal guards between Snowdin and Hotland, and if Undyne was busy taking care of the human, there was most likely no one else to warn the general populace. It wouldn't be right for him to try fighting again, anyway; as cool as it would be for him and his best friend-slash-mentor to fight side-by-side, she could do fine on her own. Better than fine, even. But just to be safe, maybe he could start heading toward the capitol to warn people.

The route away from Waterfall was more of the same. A whole lot of flowers and, the farther he got, small white foot steps. Maybe there was a child wandering around like him; with snow on their shoes, trying to find a safe place to be. Papyrus made a mental note to keep an eye out for anyone needing help. A royal guard would never leave anyone like that alone!

As he ascended toward the capitol, the foot steps became more abundant. Fresher. The amount of white coating them never seemed to lessen- maybe it was a cold monster, that could keep snow on them for a while. Papyrus started keeping his head up high before his mind could come up with any other ideas about the white substance. In the footsteps. In small piles around the trail that seemed to increase in size and number the further he went. One bony arm went around himself, his other hand gripping his cape and pulling it a little higher.

Papyrus' journey did not end when he reached his destination. Rather, he paused in his tracks at a narrow, wooden bridge kept up by stalagmites older than most of the people he knew. His hesitance didn't come from the uncertainty that came with crossing something so old, but what was actually on it.

Two pure white piles. One much smaller than any he'd noticed before, one large. The skeleton approached them with uncertainty, eyes drawn to an object in the larger one. He tried not to get any dust on his hands as he pulled out a pure black eyepatch. Even without any kind of throat to speak of, he swore he could feel it tighten as he stumbled back from them, nearly tumbling off the bridge in the process. He couldn't claim to know anything about the small pile, but the eyepatch was as familiar to him as his own face. Undyne's.

The human had made it past Home II's best line of defense. The only one standing between them and the rest of monsterkind was King Asgore.

King Asgore, and Papyrus himself.


	4. Even When The Whole World's Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you..."
> 
> The human stopped in their dust-covered tracks. He had time.
> 
> "Do you think, even the worst people can change? That everybody can be a good person? I did."

The remaining walk- or, rather, jog and near panicked sprint- to the capitol and the King was more of the same. All Papyrus could do was keep his head high and weave around the white spots in the trail, and hope that he would arrive before the human, and he wouldn't have to face what was left of the remaining royal guards and the king and possibly every other monster but himself and whoever was surviving in Snowdin.

Thankfully, hoping turned out okay. The capitol was just about empty when he arrived, and completely silent. No white powder covered the streets like in Hotland. He kept his head down, sometimes lifting it to peek into a window and catch a glimpse of families cowering or a parent dragging an unsettled child back to their previous hiding position. The majority of the houses were empty, as well, save for those few stragglers. If they stayed hidden, hopefully they would be safe. There was no point in trying to help evacuate now, with the human so close.

Papyrus had never been inside the castle before. Or, it wasn't so much a castle as it was just a quaint little house at one side of the city. He took a second to look around it, but not too closely; just a peek into the rooms branching off from the main one, before he hopped over the padlocked chain leading to what he hoped was the throne room. The only sound in, seemingly, the entire city was his boots thumping on rock. Pace gradually slowing. Shoulders slumping. Eyesight blurring as his thoughts caught up to him. He was the underground's second-to-last line of defense, and he would try his best but would he even _do_ anything? The last time he'd fought the human, he hadn't landed a hit on them. What if Sans sacrificed himself for nothing, threw himself in front of a fist and was now dust on top of untouched items in an empty home and his own brother, just so Papyrus could make a fool of himself before being brutally killed by the person destroying a whole society? His society? All he knew and would ever know?

He had to stop and breathe at the beginning of a long corridor. Papyrus leaned against a bright yellow window, the light filtering in warming his back as he slid down until he was sitting. Heavy breathing and an arm around his knees tried to calm the shaking in his limbs. If Sans could see him now... Even in their current situation, he would be calm. He'd wrap an arm around Papyrus' neck very gently and rub his knuckles into the top of his head. Tell him he shouldn't be such a baby, _he can do this_. He's a good guy, and if he can't do it, no one can.

Papyrus let out a sob as he rubbed at his leaking eye sockets.

He stayed there for what felt like a long, long time. Until the shaking subsided, and he felt that no other tears would come, and he could stand again. He was the only one that could do this, now. If he couldn't, no one could. Papyrus stepped away from the window, instead choosing to stand in the middle of the hallway, just a few feet from the doorway leading to the throne room. He was going to make his last stand memorable, at least.

He was _determined_ to not let them through.

Sadly, the skeleton had little time to mentally prepare before he heard footsteps. Not from behind him, like he wished, but from the same direction he'd come from. The human was brightly illuminated on one side, little more than a shadow on the other as they slowly approached. Papyrus could feel his breath quicken but willed himself to remain as calm as he could. Should he say something? Would he embarrass himself? Did it matter? Maybe it would make them pause, if only for a second.

"Do you..."

The human stopped in their dust-covered tracks. He had time.

"Do you think, even the worst people can change? That everybody can be a good person? I did." He couldn't believe how easily the words were coming to him. For once, it was best to speak without thinking. "I-I still do. And I think that there might even be good humans, somewhere out there. Because you can't be human. Even with everything you've done, I don't think there were ever any like you." Papyrus' gaze fell to the floor for some long moments. "Merciless... Heartless... Just, killing people's families. Acting without thinking-" His head shot up at the sound of a single step. He did not move. "You're still doing that! You keep walking, w-without thinking about where you could be going! What you're getting into!" Another step.

"I can't hesitate this time. F-For Sans, for Undyne, and for the good of all monsters. I'm going to stop you here." He felt himself fill with _something,_ some emotion or feeling he didn't recognize. Maybe it would help. They presented their soul and he hesitated.

"... It's a really nice day, today." Papyrus' head was still turned toward them, though his gaze flickered to a window for a second. "Birds are singing, flowers are blooming. On days like today, Sans and I would go out and go for a walk before work. But today..." Almost without him willing it to, he felt the icy magic fill his nonexistent veins as their soul turned blue. Cold turned to flaming heat and the emotion gained a name: _rage._

"On days like today, kids like you should be burning in hell!"

The next seconds were a blur of bones and magic, of things he didn't even know he was capable of; ignoring gravity, summoning... _Things_ , to help, rapidly switching their heart from blue to red and back again. And before he knew it, it was all over.

He saw their life stop before his eyes and suddenly, his anger left him. He had done the impossible, he'd done what countless monsters and Undyne couldn't, he had killed the human. A choked sound left him, and he didn't dare approach their lifeless form, lest he accidentally absorb their soul. Papyrus laughed.

He didn't totally want to, and he wasn't entirely sure why, but maybe it had something to do with finally winning. He'd done something right. He had saved everyone. If only they could see him now! The shaking from his laughter brought him to his knees, and when he reached up to feel his skull he found wetness he hadn't noticed earlier. It didn't stop him. He was so focused on calming down that he didn't notice the human's body flicker out of view, and once again hear footsteps approaching. He blinked, and once again came face-to-face with an expressionless monster.

"What?" He was so quiet now. The tears wouldn't stop, and he had to force himself to speak through the new hiccups that had replaced his laughter. "I didn't- I didn't- you died! I saw you! _I did it!_ " They simply stepped up to him again. He didn't want to, but Papyrus stood on quivering legs, feeling the rush of blue magic once more. "I-I don't, care how many times I have to do it! How long until you die for good!" His fists clenched, tight. "I'm going to stop you here."

The second time around, the human dodged some of his first attack. Maybe it was expected; they'd already seen it, only a few seconds ago. Also as expected, they weren't ready for his second or third, and Papyrus kept them coming even as he had to dodge the knife thrusting toward his torso. Once again they fell. There was no laughter this time, just him staring down at their lifeless body to make sure they wouldn't get back up. It wasn't natural. Nothing could die and come back, and they were certainly dead. Maybe if, this time, he took their soul... He could be one hundred percent positive. People couldn't come back if they didn't have a soul.

He reached out, slowly, and watched what was left of them flicker away. This time, he could almost feel everything around him stop. For a second, the entire world seemed to pause and then resume as the human appeared at the end of the hall once more. Papyrus only stared, dumbfounded until something like a scream ripped its way through his mouth. The human didn't flinch and just pressed forward, presenting their soul, gripping the knife tight and Papyrus couldn't do anything but repeat everything again.

They fell, slower. They returned, faster.

He didn't know how many times he tried to stop them. All he knew was to keep fighting. He was silent, quick, nearly emotionless except for the feelings that fueled his magic. Time after time, the human's life would end, and then sometimes seconds later they would come back and the cycle would begin anew. Every time, Papyrus grew more and more tired. It was minutes until he was forced to look away from their body.

Papyrus blinked and felt an all-too-familiar chill seep into his bones, and a soft, icy wind brush his cape back. He opened his eyes to a shadowy, grey cave roof and small flecks of white falling from it.


	5. Head On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The human would come, plastic knife held limply at their side, snow covering up the white dust on their shoes. Sans would greet them and try not to kill them then and there- not like it would do much, just make them suspicious and force them to try again. Eventually they would learn his patterns, as they always do. Might as well play by their game.

Only a day or so, now.

The human would come, plastic knife held limply at their side, snow covering up the white dust on their shoes. Sans would greet them and try not to kill them then and there- not like it would do much, just make them suspicious and force them to try again. Eventually they would learn his patterns, as they always do. Might as well play by their game.

For now.

But he had a day, and that day would be spent as it always was: with Papyrus, trying to enjoy their last day together in this timeline. He'd stepped out of their home with his hands in his pockets, slippers making crunching noises in the snow. Sans had only taken a step past their mailboxes before he heard something different. Crying? He turned back toward the door before suddenly having a much taller, younger skeleton fall beside him. Papyrus' hands were on his skull and he heard heavy breathing. Sans offered him a worried grin.

"What's up, bro? You look like you've seen a ghost." He reached up to gently a hand on his brother's, eyes moving upward to stare at his face, since he was kind of chest-level with him right now and _oh, God, his eyes._

Wide. Filled with tears. Glowing pupils flashing between pink and blue, nearly quivering as hard as the rest of his body was as he stared down at Sans. He was hiccuping, gripping the other's cheek bones so hard he feared they might crack. Sans himself was speechless. What had happened? He hadn't felt the timeline reset, it had been continuing smoothly for the past while, at least, though he knew where this one would end up-

" _I saw you die._ "

Papyrus' voice was so, so quiet, and his words near incomprehensible between his struggled breathing and crying. Sans froze, one hand on top of the other skeleton's, his other still buried deep in his pockets. "You- You jumped in front of me, and the human hit you, and I thought it was a mistake!" He was getting louder now, and speaking much faster, as though that would help make what he was saying less truthful. "They got Undyne, Sans! Th-They got her, too, and so many people, and I was going to stop them, I-I tried really hard! But they _wouldn't stop_!" His tears were flowing freely and he finally let go of the other's skull, instead drawing him into a tight hug. Sans reciprocated as hard as he could, fingers digging into his brother's cape.

It had already happened.

Papyrus had already seen his death. Papyrus had already seen his other friends die. Papyrus had waited in that narrow hallway, faux sunlight stinging his teary eyes and tried to avenge everyone he loved. Papyrus had won at least once, but that was never enough for some people. Sans had no idea how many times he'd come face to face with that monster, if they'd landed a hit on him, if he had fallen before them or they had given up, too lazy to memorize new attack patterns and probably hoping that this new timeline would be like the rest.

He couldn't give them that kind of comfort, and he couldn't watch his brother suffer through this again. Not like this. Pulled close, the taller skeleton's shaking seemed to calm down some, and his breathing was nearing normal. As reluctant as he was to, Sans pulled away from the embrace. One glowing yellow to green and back again pupil stared up into Papyrus' own, and he quieted down.

"It's okay, Papyrus." His voice was quiet and as monotone as ever. He couldn't get emotional, not now. "I'll fix this. It won't happen again." All his brother could do was nod while trying to repress his sobs. He didn't tell him that _fixing_ it meant letting him die, and trying to put the timeline back to where it was. Maybe, in due time, Papyrus would forget all this. Maybe they would let the timeline end different, and maybe everyone would stop suffering.

"But, right now..." Sans took a few steps back from his brother, and the latter slowly got to his feet. He set a hand on his arm but Papyrus moved it off, instead gripping his hand, tight. Sans lead him back toward into their home.

"I'll explain everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it !  
> i hope everyone had a lotta fun reading this; i certainly had fun writing it and reading people's reactions lmao. if i wrote anything else undertale-related, it will For Sure be happier  
> thank you buddies so much for bein excited for this and reading, and for all the kudos and comments !


End file.
